[LillyK]

I broke up with my ex a few months ago - a total relief which was a long time coming! I feel mostly a sense of freedom, it's great! I've not really looked any anyone else since, been stayng away from guys in general (other than friends of course) just because I thought it may be prudent to not jump into anything too soon.

WELL, I met a lovely guy the other week. He's actually a friend of a friend and we've known each other for awhile, though only through my friend. Kinda more aquaintances than anything else. Anyways, a few weeks ago I had a dinner party for a friend's birthday and she invited him...I love throwing dinner parties, so I went totally OTT and laid out a massive feast. The guy was pretty much raving about the food and kept telling me (and everyone else) how good it was. Afterwards we all went out for a walk (as you do after a few drinks...wander outside to get some fresh air) and everyone else raced back to the house but the two of us just walked around the block with my dog for a bit before headng back to the house. He was really easy to talk to!

Two weeks later I had another dinner party for the original friend's boyfriend's birthday - again I volunteered to cook. Well this guy tells the birthday couple he wants to help me cook. I thought it was kind of sweet but didn't want him to go to any trouble...anyways it turns out he loves to cook as well, but the kitchen in his flat is pretty basic so he doesn't get the chance to. We were just joking around and having a good time, we both love talking about food so there wasn't really a lull in the conversation once we started talking. There even came a point in the evening we got to chatting and a few of our friends just looked puzzled why we were cracking up.

ANyways this is the first guy I've kinda maybe liked since breaking up with my ex. He's goodlooking, polite, a lovely guy, and he's great with my dog. We're into a lot of the same stuff, and we were totally saying stuff out of each others mouths all night.

I texted him the next day because I'd seen a wee something out in town that reminded me of a random conversation we'd had, and as it was only a couple of quid I bought it to give to him. Me and my friend dropped it off at his mum and dad's because they live quite close. He didn't text me back immediately so I just put it out of my mind...then he texted last night to say he'd been working flat out all weekend so hadn't texted back. It took me ages to reply because I was run off my feet at work today, so mid afternoon he sent me a message on facebook asking how my doggy was.

All sounds great, but I went and had a quick gander at his facebook page and he is kinda way out of my league. I mean, he's out all the time, he's got about a billion friends (not just fb ones), in every picture there's a pretty girl hanging off his arm. I know he told my friend he's single at the moment when she asked, and it kinda was brought up the other night when we were alone - he knows about my arsehole ex and he said his ex had totally broken him (pretty much the same situation happened with him and his ex and his dog as hat happened with mine, but I managed to get my wee boy back). He just seems to be one of those people who is good at everything, is either working or out every night...

I'm kinda boring in comparison, and I feel kinda frumpy next to these girls he hangs out with. He's a few years younger than me and he still likes to aprty - I do as well, but I just think maybe my lifestyle is a bit boring for him? My self confidence has been totally shot through years with a guy who put me down all the time, and I don't feel myself anymore.

So all you lovely folk who've gotten back on the dating horse after breaking up with someone - how did you do it?

[Mr Phil]

Suggest a proper date.

It may well be he just really likes hanging out with you, but maybe he really *likes* you. Get the confusion out of the way.

Of course, easier said than done, but still.

[PJ Hannah B-R]

What Phil said. And also - all those fun pretty people may be dull and vacuous and he's interested in someone who makes him laugh and has a dog and can cook.

[spannz15]

I used to go out ALLL the time, but it was the same boring faces and the same convos. My boyf i'm with now hardly ever goes out, and neither do I now. I'd rather hang with him or do something silly and actually enjoy the company then be out. And with my friends I'm always suggesting we do something different now then just hit the bars and clubs.

As for asking him out, you seem to already get on pretty well, why not suggest something you can really have a laugh with and let your guards down a bit. my first date with Oshy we went on a motorbike ride! was awesome but I did poo my pants a lil bit, and then we sat and chatted for ages just out of the city centre. 2nd date was go ape So he got too see how much of a total wuss I really was.

And if after a propa date you're still confused as to if you likes you, just put it out there. You've got nothing to loose. Oshy thought I didn't like him and nearly walked because I was playing it too cool, It was only because after a while I was like "YOO, i really likes your face so please hang around" that he was like, oh cool. Easier said then done I know but it could end up being amazing

[GJ Drought]

what han and phil said!


don't worry about girls hanging off his arms, and partying all the time, most people pine for what they havent got!

[LillyK]

Thanks guys, I wish I had the guts right now to ask hi out but I'm working up to it! He texted me back last night after work randomly to say he missed being a student (it was kinda in reply to a comment I made). I sent him a bit of a silly message back and just said I had things quite easy right now as work was quiet, but left things at that.

It's weird because we've known each other for years, and we've always had each others numbers but never really spoke without mutual friends about. He's been friends with my best mate since they were babies and I've always thought he was sweet, but a bit young - we never had much to chat about until now. Besides, he always had a girlfriend or I was with someone.

He said he would let me know when he gets to his mum and dad's so I'm going to try to not think about it (or him!) until then and see how things go. I think I may go the strategic route and see if my friend will invite him round next time she's in town. I feel a bit better now though, I sneaked a peek at his fb again and noticed most of the messages and stuff were from ages ago, apparently he doesn't use fb very often except to reply to stuff.

[LillyK]

AHA! My friend just gave me the perfect excuse to ask him out! We're going to a gig in a couple weeks and my mate wanted to get him to come (along with everyone else) so I said I'd text him to ask if he wanted us to get him a ticket. He may be working but he may not be...fingers crossed!

[G Jaffa Cake J Hug-a-Goth]

... aaand? Has the gig been? Do tell!

In answer to your original question. Having been broken several times over by several evil exes of doom, I can promise you that there's no such thing as being out of anyone's league - that's just a fib that not very nice people get into the minds they're trying to manipulate. So hold your head up high. You deserve good things.

As for the bloke in question, you two clearly get along, share a sense of humour, he's already proven he wants to spend time with you... things seem to me pretty promising. Go on that date if you haven't already. You may just have a fantastic time, and if you don't - there'll be other fantastic times.

[LillyK]

Gig isn't til next week - I've run into him a few times since though! He texted me back to say he was definitely up for going...there's about 17 of us going (yikes!) and we both know pretty much everyone. Anyways, he texted to say he'd been to his mum and dad's and loved the pressie, and we've sort of bene texting back and forth a bit...though i can't tell if he's being flirty or not as I'm terrible at telling stuff like that! After I randomly ran into him in town a few weeks ago we ended up chatting for ages...he was on his way to meet a friend but he stopped for a ciggie and we ended up having total problems keeping them lit because we were just chatting the whole time. He seems like a generally happy, chatty bloke though, and he's always been super-friendly to everyone he meets...

I had to write up the minutes to a meeting I'd been to that day and totally got distracted chatting to him, so I texted him the next day and said I'd woken up at 6am to do it as I'd had such an epic fail at getting work done...he replied saying if I was the queen of procrastination then he must be my senior assistant, and we got to chatting over text about dogs (again).

I'm looking forward to the gig - it's all my best friends going pretty much, and I don't think I've been on a night out with everyone in years! Not under any illusions he's going just cuz I asked him (I'm being realistic here) as this is something we've all been ding to go see for years...I'm not getting hugely pisht anyways so I don't make a total fool of myself, but he's coming over with everyone else before hand for dinner so I'm going to put on a decent meal! Don't think I've ever been on a night out with him...Wish me luck!!

Updated: I went to see him at work today as he'd texted to ask if there were spare tix. Ran into one of his co-workers who I've met once before and the guy was dead friendly (he knew who I was before he'd met me, hopefully a good sign!). Anyways I went to get the spares as it's close by and when I cam back the guy I like was back so I just went and chatted to him for a bit - he made sure all the guys gave me he money right away as he said to them I was quite a lot out of pocket (a refreshing change from my ex who just 'borrowed' money, sometimes from my wallet, all the time, never giving it back). So I invited them all round beforehand...yikes! Anyways, he gave me a hug (which he doesn't usually do at work) and a kiss on the cheek (which he's never done before.) :-D

This post has been edited by LillyK: 21 February 2012 - 08:30 PM

[LillyK]

SO...it went really well. He turned up with his friends and all night there was a bit of flirting going on, I kept nicking his hat and he kept giving me random hugs. He got all my drinks, made everyone look for a coatcheck for me though he didn't need one...and he kept coming to find me whenever he was going out for a fag and we ended up in the smoking bit just hanging out for aaages - didn't make it back in til 15 mins before the end! We got a separate taxi from everyone else as there were 6 of us (and Glasgow black cabs only take 5)...his friend was AWOL so I said I'd wait with him, we got to chatting and basically when we got back to the party we just ended up hanging out in another room from everyone else chatting about everythng - evil exes, dogs, cats, food, sushi...random chat, but good. Then I'd made some comment about how my friend (who I'd invited) had been having a bit of a dry spell (which he knew) and that she'd totally been up for hooking up with any of our friends (don't ask)...she'd eyed up a fw of them but nothing came of it. So he said there were a few guys who would have obliged her, and I made some jokey comment that he could have as well...and he said though a few of the guys might have bene up for it, he wasn't interested in hooking up with...her. Anyways, after we sat chatting and slightly antisocial at the party for about 5 hours, he said he was totally knackered (I'd said he's always the only person who makes it home at the end f the night, and he said he'd probbly end up joining the troops crashing at mine this time) and asked if I fancied just going for a lie down and a cigarette somewhere. Yep, it took me that long, five hours, to clock on! :-) He eventually had to go home about 12 hours later but gave me a kiss when he left and said he'd had an amazing night, then came back and gave me another kiss before he wen out the main door to get his car. :-D!!!

I was far too hungover to go to his work the next day but I sent him a text this morning to say we'd all been feeling a bit rough but hoped his day at work wansn't too traumatic. :-)

This post has been edited by LillyK: 27 February 2012 - 04:57 PM

[Joinee Meek]

That is so fantastic. So happy for you lovely

Yay for kisses!

[PJ Hannah B-R]

Oh the beginning shy kissing stuff is all so fab

[Poohbah (Gsq)]

Hooray!!

And I'm usually a big bitter ball of grumpiness when it comes to other people's coupley happiness, but still I say (and mean): hooray!!

[LillyK]

:-D I've been grinning like a loon ever since! I can't believe we sat and chatted for hours, and even though his friends were partying in the other room he wanted to hang out with me all night! His friends kept saying how much they liked me as well, which was dead sweet. My best friend texted me this morning to say how chuffed she was, as he is such a lovely bloke. Oh, and he texted me back today to say work was a bit traumatic, but he survived and asked if the troops had vacated yet?

:-D :-D :-D

[Mr Phil]

Hooray!