[KTxxx]

I am going to judge and rate your joke

everyone gets one entry of their favourite joke and the ones that makes me laugh or smile most will be winner - although everyone is a winner just some will obviously better than others so basically just tell me ur fav joke

[Mr Phil]

Why are peas small and green.





























Because if they were big and red they'd be a FIRE ENGINE!

[KTxxx]

that was funny i laughed a bit not much but its pretty good can any1 beat tht

[Gold Joinee Mhairi]

Arnold Schwarzenegger comes down to breakfast on Easter Sunday distraught. Somebody has stolen all of his Easter eggs.
"Oh dear," his wife says, "I hope this hasn’t ruined Easter for you".
"No," he replies, "don’t worry, I-still-love-Easter-Baby".

I stole this from Warren.

[Joinee Hathorn]

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
















A carrot.

[SJ Del (The Train Man)]

Why did the bee go on strike?













For more honey and shorter flowers

[The Bear]

EXTRA POLICE OFFICERS FOR FUTURE G20 PROTESTS WANTED

.....come early and beat the crowd.

[GJ Peck]

What do you call an exploding monkey?
















A BABOOM!

(Or an Oranubang!)

H.

xx.

This post has been edited by GJ Peck: 01 May 2009 - 04:11 PM

[KTxxx]

Gold Joinee Mhairi, on 1 May 2009, 04:31 PM, said:

I stole this from Warren.

well warren and you must be either old or cleever because neither me or my friend got this joke but dont worry you dont have to say which you are

Joinee Hathorn, on 1 May 2009, 04:32 PM, said:

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?


A carrot.

this is average i reckon its funny but not over the top

Mister Del, on 1 May 2009, 04:34 PM, said:

Why did the bee go on strike?

For more honey and shorter flowers

sorry but i failed to find that even slightly amusing

The Bear, on 1 May 2009, 04:39 PM, said:

EXTRA POLICE OFFICERS FOR FUTURE G20 PROTESTS WANTED

.....come early and beat the crowd.

contreversial but hilarious and its up to date
great work

GJ Peck, on 1 May 2009, 05:10 PM, said:

What do you call an exploding monkey?



A BABOOM!

(Or an Oranubang!)

H.

xx.

i found it funny but my mate said abismal but as i reminded her I ma the judge and every1 is a winner so its good

[Gold Joinee Mhairi]

KTxxx, on 1 May 2009, 05:18 PM, said:

well warren and you must be either old or cleever because neither me or my friend got this joke but dont worry you dont have to say which you are

!!!!!!!!! thanks.

[SJ Del (The Train Man)]

Mister Del, on 1 May 2009, 04:34 PM, said:

Why did the bee go on strike?

For more honey and shorter flowers

KTxxx, on 1 May 2009, 05:18 PM, said:

sorry but i failed to find that even slightly amusing

WHAT?! You are dead to me!*






*not really!

[Angel Moon]

Gold Joinee Mhairi, on 1 May 2009, 08:31 AM, said:

Arnold Schwarzenegger comes down to breakfast on Easter Sunday distraught. Somebody has stolen all of his Easter eggs.
"Oh dear," his wife says, "I hope this hasn’t ruined Easter for you".
"No," he replies, "don’t worry, I-still-love-Easter-Baby".

I stole this from Warren.

Don't worry I got it. You are not old. So that must make you clever.

Mister Del, on 1 May 2009, 08:34 AM, said:

Why did the bee go on strike?



For more honey and shorter flowers

I love it Del. That made me genuinely smile!!

[HJCotW Spacemonkey]

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?






















Dr Dre.

/thread

MoT

[Joinee Varwell]

Gold Joinee Mhairi, on 1 May 2009, 04:31 PM, said:

Arnold Schwarzenegger comes down to breakfast on Easter Sunday distraught. Somebody has stolen all of his Easter eggs.
"Oh dear," his wife says, "I hope this hasn’t ruined Easter for you".
"No," he replies, "don’t worry, I-still-love-Easter-Baby".

I stole this from Warren.

Sorry, I completely don't get this one.

[Gold Joinee Mhairi]

'I-still-love-easter-baby' - say it fast.

[Angel Moon]

FIXED: The entire quote skit of Puke & Snot's So you want to be a pirate? I know this isn't my joke and therefor eliminates me from winning. But I felt the urge to add it for all to enjoy. so enjoy!


"My uncle sir, my uncle was a poet of great renowned!"
"Your uncle?"
"My uncle the infamous pirate poet Percy the Hook"
"You mean he of the hook arm?"
"He of the hook arm and two wooden legs!"
"TWO wooden legs?"
"It get worse, last week he was struck by lightening and burned to the ground."
"That is nonsense sir, I know this for a fact. I used to be a pirate. I was a ferocious buccaneer. There was even a price on me head."
"Really? How much?"
"Two dollars."
"Why only two dollars?"
"I just told you I was a buck-an-ear."
"I don't believe for a minute you were ever a pirate"
"I was. I was known at the un-housebroken dog of the sea."
"The un-housebroken dog?"
"I took a ship whenever I felt like it"
"oh of course"
"You'd love the pirate way. Frought with danger and intrigue, the woman quiver, the ships go down."
"I'd rather have the ships quiver and the woman go..."
*cutting him off* "NO YOU WOULD NOT!"
"Yes I would. And so would he. He's going I could be a pirate. I'd like to be a pirate right now."
"It's not that easy being a pirate!"
"How tough can it be to be a digenerate at sea?"
"You have to pass several tests to be a pirate."
"You have to pass a test? Who licenses those guys?"
"Of course, do you think you can just walk in and be one?"
"Of course, I have diseases they haven't even heard of."
"That wouldn't suprise me."
"I smell bad, I dress terribly, and that guy could be on my crew."
"Good choice I can smell him from here. Alright we'll give you a test to see what kind of part pirate you'll make here. Put this on"

*Hands him eyepatch*

"How do you attach it? It's too small."

*attempts to put on as a crotch cover*

"NOT LIKE THAT! That will make the men chase around the ship."
"It's the Richard Simmons Pirate Fantasy. Get your little pirate butts on deck we're going to have a flogging! And then we are going to exercise!"
"Only if you live that long. Put it on the right way ..there you go. Are you ready for your test?"
"Give me my test!"
"Alright you have to have excellent eyesight to be a pirate."
"That's why I'm wearing this?"
"That is correct."
"What a moron idea. Woah where did that ship come from?"
"Pay attention i'll sail this right up your giggy. okay way across the meadow is a man in a maroon t-shirt leaning against a tree."
"I see him. Do I win?"
"No. From here, read whats on his shirt."
"It says "G.A. Mertz Eurology Clinic if it hurts when it squirts talk to Mertz."
"Amazing."
"Did I pass?"
"You passed the test. You are now a pirate. What kind of ship would you like?"
"A friggit"
"okay we'll start you off with a simple 3-masted friggit."
"Alright a 3-masted friggit"
"The right side of the ship is starboard. what's left?"
"The other side!"
"Left is port."
"Fine by me we should have left port hours ago."
"Assume your command."
"At the front of the boat!"
"Bow."
*Bows* "Thank you very much you've been a great crew, now lets see that flogging!"
"No no no. The front of the ship is the bow."
"And that's where i'll be."
"you'll be astern."
"A stern what?"
"The captain commands from the back of the boat."
"So i'll be standing on the stern."
"you'll be standing on the deck."
"The rear deck?"
"That's right!"
"It is?"
"It is."
"I thought starboard was right."
"It is."
"Then what is back here?"
"Back here is the poop."
"excuse me?"
"you stand on the poop."
"ooh I better watch where I step then."
"The whole deck is the poop deck"
"What have these pirates been eating?"
"What difference does it make?"
"I want to know how deep the poop is."
"The poop is several feet above the main deck."
"NO SH*T I mean no kidding!"
"Of course. It's designed that way."
"And thats where I command from? No wonder the mean fear me! What if I have a collect call from nature do I just add to the poop?"
"No you go in your head."
"...... ....... ....... I'm having a hard time picturing that. Can't imagine a position that would be at all comfortable."
"You are a pirate, comfort is the last ting on your mind."
"Apparently so. Any particular reason why I would go in my head?"
"you're the captain right?"
"right!"
"it's your head right?"
"right!"
"your the only one allowed to go in your head!"
"so the crew don't get to use my head?"
"no of course not. that would be disrespectful."
"yes let them use their own heads!"
"the crew don't have heads."
"what?"
"they don't need them. They are just the crew. "
"How do they see where they are going?"
"They go over the side."
"well of course they would if they can't see where they are going. what kind of crew have no heads?"
"rough necks. look over the horizon its a 3 masted barkantine. He's a spanish galleon layden with gold."
"a gallion. yarr. how much golds in a galleon?"
*in unision* "2 cups to a pint, 2 pints to a quart. oh never mind."
"Give your men the orders to come about."
"alright men hold hands form a circle gather round."
"Tell them to trim the sails."
"Cut a couple inches off that one it looks like crap!"
"Aim your cannons at the foremast."
"Whip out your cannons aim them at the four mast. ....four mast? I thought there were only 3 masts."
"There are. The 1st mast is fore."
"If the first mast is four, then where is the third mast?"
"Thats mizzen."
"where the hell did it go?"
"it's behind the main."
"The water main, the spanish main, Charlemagne which main?"
"The main mast."
"what's the main mast?"
"Number 2."
"I thought poop was number 2!"
"The poop is on the rear."
"That's the first thing you've said that makes sense."
"what's confusing you?"
"I want to know where is the fourth mast?"
"There's only 3 masts."
"So the fourth is missin' "
"The 3rd is mizzen"
"I know its missin' where the hell did it go?"
"I told you its sticking out of the poop!!"
"Lets see if I have this straight... A spanish galleon is baring down hard to port, that's left, my men have gone over the right side of the boat, that's starboard, because they don't have heads and can't see where they're going."
"huh?"
"I'm standing sternly in the poop."
"what?"
"My first mast is four, my third mast is missin', and my main mast is sticking out of the poop. ..... what do I use to border with?"
"your dingy."
"Not on your life bucko."

hmmm.... way too much time on my hands. but I Puke and Snot.

This post has been edited by moon_dancer: 01 May 2009 - 08:09 PM

[Joinee Varwell]

Gold Joinee Mhairi, on 1 May 2009, 08:07 PM, said:

'I-still-love-easter-baby' - say it fast.

Aha! Brilliant, thank you! Very good.

Meanwhile, Steven Spielberg begins work on a Hollywood blockbuster about major classical composers. He calls up Steven Seagal, who declares a secret lifelong ambition to play Mozart. He calls in Sylvester Stallone for a meeting who agrees to audition for Beethoven. Then he meets Arnold Schwarzenegger, who reads the synopsis, looks up and says "I'll be Bach."

[Angel Moon]

Gold Joinee Mhairi, on 1 May 2009, 08:31 AM, said:

Arnold Schwarzenegger comes down to breakfast on Easter Sunday distraught. Somebody has stolen all of his Easter eggs.
"Oh dear," his wife says, "I hope this hasn’t ruined Easter for you".
"No," he replies, "don’t worry, I-still-love-Easter-Baby".

I stole this from Warren.

Joinee Varwell, on 1 May 2009, 12:56 PM, said:

Aha! Brilliant, thank you! Very good.

Meanwhile, Steven Spielberg begins work on a Hollywood blockbuster about major classical composers. He calls up Steven Seagal, who declares a secret lifelong ambition to play Mozart. He calls in Sylvester Stallone for a meeting who agrees to audition for Beethoven. Then he meets Arnold Schwarzenegger, who reads the synopsis, looks up and says "I'll be Bach."

I like Arnold jokes. But I like Chuck Norris Jokes better. Anybody know any of those?

[Captain K]

Joinee Varwell, on 1 May 2009, 08:56 PM, said:

Aha! Brilliant, thank you! Very good.

Meanwhile, Steven Spielberg begins work on a Hollywood blockbuster about major classical composers. He calls up Steven Seagal, who declares a secret lifelong ambition to play Mozart. He calls in Sylvester Stallone for a meeting who agrees to audition for Beethoven. Then he meets Arnold Schwarzenegger, who reads the synopsis, looks up and says "I'll be Bach."

Right, a prize for whoever can come up with a genuinely funny pun in this vein using "where is Sarah Connor?"

[SJ Del (The Train Man)]

moon_dancer, on 1 May 2009, 09:10 PM, said:

I like Arnold jokes. But I like Chuck Norris Jokes better. Anybody know any of those?

You mean like:
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet.
The water gets Chuck Norris.

Captain K, on 1 May 2009, 09:15 PM, said:

Right, a prize for whoever can come up with a genuinely funny pun in this vein using "where is Sarah Connor?"

Off the top of my head...

Arnie is travelling on a train across the Nullarboor Plain in Australia.
He says to the conductor:
'This track is very straight. It just keeps going straight?'
'Well, sir, it is the longest stretch of straight railway track in the world'
'Really?' says Arnie. 'Where is there a corner?'

[Joinee Varwell]

Mister Del, on 1 May 2009, 09:23 PM, said:

You mean like:
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet.
The water gets Chuck Norris.


Off the top of my head...

Arnie is travelling on a train across the Nullarboor Plain in Australia.
He says to the conductor:
'This track is very straight. It just keeps going straight?'
'Well, sir, it is the longest stretch of straight railway track in the world'
'Really?' says Arnie. 'Where is there a corner?'

Both very, very good!

[Chairman 'Jamin]

What's the difference between babies and a pile of sand?

You can't load sand into a truck with a pitch fork.

This post has been edited by Chairman 'Jamin: 02 May 2009 - 09:58 AM

[KTxxx]

Lardon Boy, on 1 May 2009, 07:55 PM, said:

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr Dre.

/thread

MoT

erm any help am struggling to get this joke....

moon_dancer, on 1 May 2009, 08:21 PM, said:

hmmm.... way too much time on my hands. but I Puke and Snot.

well Im not eliminating you from winning I may be the judge but like I said no winners just some will obviously better than others and that was worth a laugh at least for the amount of time u used writing this

Joinee Varwell, on 1 May 2009, 09:39 PM, said:

Both very, very good!

well Im glad someone gets the arny jokes hmm well i think that must make you clever and not old

Chairman'Jamin, on 2 May 2009, 10:57 AM, said:

What's the difference between babies and a pile of sand?

You can't load sand into a truck with a pitch fork.

ok i think the common theme is that me (the judge) should not be allowed to judge because when it comes to jokes it seems i can be very dumb...

so any1 get this joke?

[Siobhán]

You did not get the Snoop joke? It's my favourite Snoop Dog joke apart from

Why does snoop dog carry an umbrella

Fo'drizzle

[Distant Joinee Mandoran]

Lardon Boy, on 1 May 2009, 08:55 PM, said:

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?






Dr Dre.
/thread
MoT

The keyboard and smilies cannot express how much I laughed at that.

What about these classics then:

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug

What do you call a man without a spade in his head?
Douglas

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his arse?
Warren.

That's enough.

[Captain K]

Well if you're going to bring out the old classics, I don't think this one has ever been beaten:

What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonkey.

[dazza]

Chairman'Jamin, on 2 May 2009, 10:57 AM, said:

What's the difference between babies and a pile of sand?

You can't load sand into a truck with a pitch fork.

Thats amazing. I literally have tears running down my cheeks from laughing.

[Sailor Joinee Crawshaw]

Whats the differance between a tire and 365 condoms?














































One's a Good Year and ones a bloody good year!

[DG Joinee NEMESIS]

Lardon Boy, on 1 May 2009, 07:55 PM, said:

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr Dre.

KTxxx, on 2 May 2009, 12:32 PM, said:

erm any help am struggling to get this joke....

You don't get the Dr Dre joke????
You didn't get the Arnie joke?!
No more judging for you!!
Judging FAIL!

KTxxx, on 2 May 2009, 12:32 PM, said:

well Im not eliminating you from winning I may be the judge but like I said no winners

And-no-what-now?! no WINNER?!
Or is this one of those "everyone took part so 'everyone's' a winner" moments??

This post has been edited by Silver Joinee 'The Daddy': 02 May 2009 - 03:14 PM

[GJ Dandy David]

KTxxx, on 2 May 2009, 12:32 PM, said:

well Im glad someone gets the arny jokes hmm well i think that must make you clever and not old
I-still-love-Easter-baby = Hasta la vista, baby (The Terminator)

...
ok i think the common theme is that me (the judge) should not be allowed to judge because when it comes to jokes it seems i can be very dumb...

so any1 get this joke?
Sand would run through the pitchfork, but you can chuck babies around perfectly easily with one.

Nice one, Ben.

Siobhán, on 2 May 2009, 12:43 PM, said:

You did not get the Snoop joke? It's my favourite Snoop Dog joke apart from

Why does snoop dog carry an umbrella

Fo'drizzle

Siobhán - that is one of my favourite jokes ever.

McDonald's delivery drivers tell the best jokes ever. Fact.
On the other hand, not one of them is suitable for a family forum.

[Joinee Mum White]

Silly jokes ...


Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A. No idea.

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

A. Still no idea.

[Captain K]

Joinee Mum White, on 2 May 2009, 10:25 PM, said:

Silly jokes ...


Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A. No idea.

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

A. Still no idea.

And of course... (allowing for the clause in the orig forum rules about this!)

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs who's had his

Spoiler

knob

chopped off?

A.

Spoiler

Still no f ucking idea.

[Joinee Mum White]

Captain K, on 2 May 2009, 11:14 PM, said:

And of course... (allowing for the clause in the orig forum rules about this!)

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs who's had his

Spoiler

knob

chopped off?

A.

Spoiler

Still no f ucking idea.

Oh my! I've not come across that one! (Well most of my jokes come from a well bred primary school playground) Mum White.

[joineecleary]

two string musicians are just about to perform as part of an orchestra, but they have got into an argument about who gets to play the 1st solo. this argument eventually gets physical, and at one point the conductor walks in, looking for them. he sees them attacking each other with their instruments, and shouts, 'Stop fighting! Violins is not the answer!!"

i made this up on holiday a couple of years a go, and i find it hard to refrain from telling everyone


another good one:

there is a boat that's about to sink, and one of the men on board is a strict evangelical. the lifeboats are ready, and there is one space left, so people encourage him to get in it. he replies "no, i have faith - the Lord will save me".
there is still around 20 people on the boat, and a speedboat miraculously finds the crew a few minutes later. people try to get the evangelical on, but again, he says calmly, "i have faith in the Lord - He will save me"
there is around 5 people left, and a chopper had just been sent to take the remaining people to safety. 4 of them climb in, but the evangelical refuses to budge. he proclaims once more, "i have faith in the Lord - He will save me!"
10 minutes later, the boat sinks and the man has died.
he is in heaven, and speaks to God. "Lord, i had complete faith in you!! why did you not rescue me?"
"rescue you?! i sent a lifeboat, a speedboat and a bloody chopper!"

i reckon God would find this amusing, so i'm not worried about blasphemy too much.

[Sailor Joinee Crawshaw]

3 Nuns at a missionary decide that they don't want to be nuns any more, so they decide to speak to the Mother Superior. She listens to what they have to say and the tells them that to be free of the church they must go away, do something sinful and comeback in 24 hours.
24 hours pass and the 3 nuns return. The Mother Superior goes up to the first nun and asks "What have you done that was sinful my child?" the nun replies "I stole a bike", the Mother Superior shakes her head, informs the first nun to drink the holy water and she may leave.
Then she turns to the second nun, "What have you done that was sinful my child?" the second nun replies "I slpet with a married man...AND IT WAS GREAT!", the Mother Superior is shocked by this, but still tells the second nun to drink the Holy Water and that she may then leave.
Finally she turns to the last nun, "What have you done that was sinful my child?" The third nun who was smiling this entire time replies "I peed in the Holy Water!"

[Silver SV Joinee Jo]

What do you call a nun on top of a jester?

Virgin on the ridiculous


(My favourite joke!)

[PJ Hannah B-R]

Gold Joinee Mhairi, on 1 May 2009, 04:31 PM, said:

Arnold Schwarzenegger comes down to breakfast on Easter Sunday distraught. Somebody has stolen all of his Easter eggs.
"Oh dear," his wife says, "I hope this hasn’t ruined Easter for you".
"No," he replies, "don’t worry, I-still-love-Easter-Baby".

I stole this from Warren.

Silver SV Joinee Jo, on 5 May 2009, 01:38 PM, said:

What do you call a nun on top of a jester?

Virgin on the ridiculous


(My favourite joke!)

Both amazing jokes which I haven't heard before.


Also.

Why did the Bakers hands smell?


Oh hang on, that doesn't work if you type it.

[Joinee WEG]

What's the difference between a choir boy and a queer boy?







The way they say 'amen'.

[KTxxx]

Distant Joinee Mandoran, on 2 May 2009, 02:06 PM, said:

The keyboard and smilies cannot express how much I laughed at that.

What about these classics then:

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug

What do you call a man without a spade in his head?
Douglas

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his arse?
Warren.

That's enough.

ok the classics are fine but after 10 times they can get a tad boring

Sailor Joinee Crawshaw, on 2 May 2009, 03:35 PM, said:

Whats the differance between a tire and 365 condoms?

funny very funny

[Exelferon (GA)]

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Crikey! it's a bit hot in here."

The second replies, "HOLY SH!T! A TALKING MUFFIN!"



Two cows are sitting in a field and they overhear a farmer talking to another farmer about mad cow disease.
One turns to the other says, "Are you not a bit worried about this mad cow disease thing going on then Jim?" (yes, the cow is called Jim.)
And Jim (the cow) replies, "Worried? Why should I be worried? I'm a duck!"

This post has been edited by Exelferon (GA): 05 May 2009 - 03:11 PM

[KTxxx]

Silver Joinee'The Daddy', on 2 May 2009, 04:14 PM, said:

-no-what-now?! no WINNER?!
Or is this one of those "everyone took part so 'everyone's' a winner" moments??

well im sorry theres no winner i just feel that im not really the best judge but some peoples jokes will get better comments than others. I just feel declaring a winner might upset the emotionally unstable among us so id rather keep everyone happy.

Captain K, on 2 May 2009, 11:14 PM, said:

And of course... (allowing for the clause in the orig forum rules about this!)

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs who's had his

Spoiler

knob

chopped off?

A.

Spoiler

Still no f ucking idea.

i have never heard that and im amazed its reli funny

[KTxxx]

joineecleary, on 3 May 2009, 11:41 AM, said:

two string musicians are just about to perform as part of an orchestra, but they have got into an argument about who gets to play the 1st solo. this argument eventually gets physical, and at one point the conductor walks in, looking for them. he sees them attacking each other with their instruments, and shouts, 'Stop fighting! Violins is not the answer!!"

i made this up on holiday a couple of years a go, and i find it hard to refrain from telling everyone


another good one:

there is a boat that's about to sink, and one of the men on board is a strict evangelical. the lifeboats are ready, and there is one space left, so people encourage him to get in it. he replies "no, i have faith - the Lord will save me".
there is still around 20 people on the boat, and a speedboat miraculously finds the crew a few minutes later. people try to get the evangelical on, but again, he says calmly, "i have faith in the Lord - He will save me"
there is around 5 people left, and a chopper had just been sent to take the remaining people to safety. 4 of them climb in, but the evangelical refuses to budge. he proclaims once more, "i have faith in the Lord - He will save me!"
10 minutes later, the boat sinks and the man has died.
he is in heaven, and speaks to God. "Lord, i had complete faith in you!! why did you not rescue me?"
"rescue you?! i sent a lifeboat, a speedboat and a bloody chopper!"

i reckon God would find this amusing, so i'm not worried about blasphemy too much.

i enjoyed these jokes a lot - i mean dont worry about God he needs to stop being so serious and have a joke too the second joke was your best

Sailor Joinee Crawshaw, on 3 May 2009, 03:12 PM, said:

3 Nuns at a missionary decide that they don't want to be nuns any more, so they decide to speak to the Mother Superior. She listens to what they have to say and the tells them that to be free of the church they must go away, do something sinful and comeback in 24 hours.
24 hours pass and the 3 nuns return. The Mother Superior goes up to the first nun and asks "What have you done that was sinful my child?" the nun replies "I stole a bike", the Mother Superior shakes her head, informs the first nun to drink the holy water and she may leave.
Then she turns to the second nun, "What have you done that was sinful my child?" the second nun replies "I slpet with a married man...AND IT WAS GREAT!", the Mother Superior is shocked by this, but still tells the second nun to drink the Holy Water and that she may then leave.
Finally she turns to the last nun, "What have you done that was sinful my child?" The third nun who was smiling this entire time replies "I peed in the Holy Water!"

haha im wondering do you think this counts as RE revision - great joke

Silver SV Joinee Jo, on 5 May 2009, 01:38 PM, said:

What do you call a nun on top of a jester?

Virgin on the ridiculous


(My favourite joke!)

good funny

Joinee WEG, on 5 May 2009, 02:11 PM, said:

What's the difference between a choir boy and a queer boy?







The way they say 'amen'.

hahahaha
that was funny

Exelferon (GA), on 5 May 2009, 04:06 PM, said:

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Crikey! it's a bit hot in here."

The second replies, "HOLY SH!T! A TALKING MUFFIN!"



Two cows are sitting in a field and they overhear a farmer talking to another farmer about mad cow disease.
One turns to the other says, "Are you not a bit worried about this mad cow disease thing going on then Jim?" (yes, the cow is called Jim.)
And Jim (the cow) replies, "Worried? Why should I be worried? I'm a duck!"

erm im slightly confused

[DG Joinee NEMESIS]

KTxxx, on 5 May 2009, 04:11 PM, said:

well im sorry theres no winner i just feel that im not really the best judge but some peoples jokes will get better comments than others. I just feel declaring a winner might upset the emotionally unstable among us so id rather keep everyone happy.

Screw 'em
I'm not entering without a prize

or at least a flag - for I do like a good flag!

[KTxxx]

Silver Joinee'The Daddy', on 5 May 2009, 04:37 PM, said:

Screw 'em
I'm not entering without a prize

or at least a flag - for I do like a good flag!

erm i can get u a flag
my neighbour has an american flag so stuff them wanting to celebrate barack obama
i will cut a strip of it off and post a bit to each contestant ...obviously I wont

<<are you a pirate?
I am wondering because you dont like sharing ur treasure (u dont want every1 to win)
also you like flags
i think there is all the evidence i need haha

[The Bear]

KTxxx, on 5 May 2009, 04:51 PM, said:

<<are you a pirate?
I am wondering because you dont like sharing ur treasure (u dont want every1 to win)
also you like flags
i think there is all the evidence i need haha

He is a pirate and he hoards all his treasure. In fact he stores it all in a Fox's biscuit tin under his hammock all the while wringing his hands and cackling devilishly.

That's what I heard anyway...

[DG Joinee NEMESIS]

The Bear, on 5 May 2009, 04:57 PM, said:

He is a pirate and he hoards all his treasure. In fact he stores it all in a Fox's biscuit tin under his hammock all the while wringing his hands and cackling devilishly.

That's what I heard anyway...

It's lies i tell ya
All lies

But no - not a "pirate" par say! I just don't think "everyone is a winner" (and that's the truth)

> goes off for a cackle.

[KTxxx]

Silver Joinee'The Daddy', on 5 May 2009, 06:22 PM, said:

It's lies i tell ya
All lies

But no - not a "pirate" par say! I just don't think "everyone is a winner" (and that's the truth)

> goes off for a cackle.

you are a pirate and truely if you are a pirate your being warned I dont think England wants many pirates were happy with jack sparrow (pirates of the carabien) but thats it

oh ok so u dont want to be a winner fine
or are you sayin everyone is a looser im not sure but your a pirate with no joke so that deffinately makes you the one and only looser at the moment

[joinee_doug]

You're a fool to be a pyrite

or something

[Angel Moon]

whatever pirates rule!!! When was the last time you saw a ninja with wenches!!!!

[Captain K]

Besides...