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What Is Defeat?
When someone experiences a loss, they go through a normal process called sulking. Sulking is a natural and expected process for people of a Southern dispostion which, over time, can allow a person to accept and understand their loss. Losing involves feeling many different emotions over a period of time, all of which eventually help the person to come to terms with the loss of a football game.
Useless and rubbish are two other words that are commonly used to describe the losing process. Useless is what a Southern person experiences when someone close to them has the ball. It is the state of having suffered a loss, the ball in this case. Rubbish is the expression of their footballing skills. Sulking about their loss includes expressions of their useless and rubbish footballing skills that are specific to each person's culture and religion.
Phases of Defeat
Many people think of defeat as only being attributable to the football match itself, a single instance of very short period of useless and rubbish footballing skills, leading to a defeat -- for example, the poor passing and general bad footballing skills on the pitch itself shown by Team South. However, the term defeat refers to the entire emotional process of coping with the loss. Normal losing allows us eventually to let the ball go and continue along the pitch without the ball. Though losing is painful, it is important that those who have suffered a loss be allowed to express their defeat, and that they be ridiculed throughout the process. Each person's way of coping with defeat for a football game will be different. The length and intensity of the emotions people experience will also vary from person to person.
It is normal for people to feel better for a period of time, only to become sad again soon afterward. Sometimes, people wonder how long the losing process will last for them, and when they can expect to experience some relief. In the case of Southerns, the loss will continue for some considerable time to come. Although there is no one answer to this question, it may help to know some of the factors that can contribute to the intensity and length of the losing process. The kind of relationship you had with the person who lost, the circumstances of their defeat, and your own life experiences will all play a part in determining your individual sulking process.
Researchers have studied defeat to better understand the ways that people work through a loss and eventually accept it. They have identified several phases, or sulking states, that people can experience while losing. The first phase involves a period of shock or numbness. This phase is often followed by a period of emotional upheaval, which can involve feelings of anger, loneliness, disbelief, or denial. The final phase of losing is the one in which people find some way to come to terms with the loss.
The First Phase of Defeat
Often, Southerner's initial reaction to a loss is one of shock, disbelief, and numbness, which can last anywhere from a few hours to days or weeks. During this time, the losers may feel emotionally "shut off" from the world. However, their numbness may be disturbed by waves of uselessness from time to time. During these periods of uselessness, which are often triggered by reminders of the match, they may feel pathetic or weak, cry, engage in aimless activities, or become preoccupied with thoughts or images of the match they lost.
The rituals of losing -- receiving ridicule, preparing for the jokes, and put downs -- often structure this time for people. They are seldom left alone. Sometimes the sense of uselessness persists, leaving the person feeling as though they are mechanically going through the rituals.
The Second Phase of Defeat
At some point the reality of the loss becomes painfully apparent, and the numbness wears off. This phase of defeat, sometimes called wallowing in defeat, is when the feelings of loss are most intense and painful. It is during this phase that one must confront the loss and cope with the changes it has brought about in their lives.
Southerners have many different ways of confronting loss, so this time can involve many different, equally intense emotions. This time of defeat, with its characteristic waves of useless and rubbish footballing skills, can last for weeks to months. The length of time can vary greatly. Southerners or their supporters may see some or all of the following in a person who is losing at football:
o Withdraws to the defence
o Has difficulty passsing
o Becomes useless at all times
o Has little skill
o Carries a sad appearance
o Has a depressed mood
o Dreams of defeat (may even have hallucinations of hearing or seeing the defeat)
o Loses the ball
o Has difficulty kicking
o Experiences fatigue or weakness
o Becomes preoccupied with defeat or events surrounding defeat
o Searches for reasons for the loss (sometimes with irrational results)
o Dwells on mistakes, real or imagined, that he or she made with the defeat
o Feels somehow guilty for the loss
o Feels distant and actually is distant from the ball
o Expresses anger or envy at seeing others on Team North united with the ball in their penalty box
It is often during this time that a losing Southerner needs the most ridicule. Finding sources of ridicule, whether they are defence, midfield, attack, or even the goalkeeper, can be the key to a person's eventual total humiliation and acceptance of the loss.
The Third Phase of Defeat
The first two phases of defeat are designed to help Southerners come to terms with the loss in some way. Usually, they come to accept a loss gradually over the months that follow it. Like the first and second phases, acceptance does not happen overnight. It is not uncommon for it to take as long as a year or more for some Southereners to resolve the emotional and life changes that result from the their defeat in a football match. Although the intensity of the loss may lessen, it is common for people to continue to feel emotionally involved with the match for many years after their defeat.
Loss After Long-Term Uslessness
Defeat is experienced somewhat differently when the loss occurs after a long-term period of uselessness rather than suddenly. When a Southerner is terminally rubbish at football, their team mates often sulk in anticipation of the loss. This anticipatory sulk is a normal response, and it helps to prepare them for the actual loss. Usually, the period just before the Southerner takes to the pitch is one of physical and emotional preparation for those supporting them. During this time, the urge to withdraw to the sidelines and move away from the Southerner who is rubbish at football is normal. For most supporters, the actual defeat brings about the beginning of the normal losing process. Many Southerners believe they will feel prepared for the loss because it is expected. However, when the defeat actually occurs, it can still be a shock and bring about unexpected feelings of sadness and loss.
Major Lack of Footballing Skills and Complicated Defeat
It is common for Southerners to experience sadness, pain, anger, bouts of whining, and a depressed mood after their defeat in a football match. It is important to learn to distinguish these normal losing responses from terminal ridicule, as defeat can lead to terminal ridiucle from Team North. About 20% of losers will develop major tantrums, a condition requiring medical intervention. Southerners at particular risk for developing major tantrums include those who have a history of uselessness or rubbish football skills, an inadequate defence system, or those who have other significant football deficincies. Symptoms of major tantrums not explained by the normal defeat process may include:
o Continual thoughts of worthlessness or hopelessness
o Continual thoughts of defeat or thoughts of losing
o Persistent inability to perform day-to-day activities successfully (especailly on the pitch)
o Delusions (beliefs that are not true) i.e. thinkign they can win
o Excessive or uncontrolled crying
o Slowed physical responses and reactions, especially on the pitch
o Extreme ball loss
In some people, the losing process can go on for a long period of time. This is most often caused by attempts to deny or get away from the defeat or to avoid letting go. If normal ridicule does not occur, or if the ridicule continues for a long period of time without any progress toward resolution, it is called unresolved or complicated defeat. Symptoms of this may include:
o Continued disbelief in their defeat in the football match
o Inability to accept the defeat
o Persistent flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive memories of the match itself
o Magnified and prolonged losing symptoms
o Maintenance of a fantasy relationship with the losing team with feelings that they are always present and losing
o Continuous yearning and searching for the reason for their defeat
o Breaking off all ties to social contact
If any of the above symptoms of major tantrums or complicated defeat occur, they should be discussed with a qualified health or mental health professional, or Team North, who will take the piss.
Coping with a Loss
Ideally, the losing Southerner will work through the process of losing. With time and support, they will acknowledge and understand the loss, experience the pain of defeat, and adapt to a new life of continual ridicule.
If you or someone you know has lost a football match, the following suggestions may help in coping with the loss:
o Give yourself permission to feel the pain and loss.
o Be patient with the process and don't pressure yourself with certain expectations, especially where football skills are concerned
o Accept yourself as you experience your pain, your emotions, your own way of losing, and your own timetable.
o Express your feelings. Let yourself cry. Both are necessary for losers.
o Get support. Talk about your loss, your memories, and your experience of the loss of goal after goal. Do not protect your family and friends by not expressing your sadness. Ask others for what you need. Find others who have lost a football match to talk to.
o Try to maintain your basic lifestyle. Avoid making major life changes (for example, moving, changing jobs, altering important relationships) within the first year of defeat. This will allow you to maintain roots and a sense of security.
o Take care of yourself: eat well and exercise. Physical activity is a good way to release tension. Allow yourself small physical pleasures that may help you replenish yourself like hot baths, naps, and favorite foods.
o Avoid overindulgence in alcohol. Since alcohol is a depressant, it will only make you feel worse in the long run.
o Forgive yourself for all the passes you didn't make or tackles you missed. Compassion and forgiveness for yourself and others is important in losing.
o Give yourself a break from defeat. Although it is necessary to work through defeat, you do not need to constantly focus on it. It is healthy to find appropriate distractions like going to a movie, dinner, or a ball game, reading a good book, listening to music, getting a massage or manicure. This last one may be especially popular with Team South players.
o Prepare for holidays and anniversaries. Decide if you want to continue certain traditions or create new ones. Plan in advance how you want to spend your time and with whom. Do something symbolic in memory of defeat.
o Join a losing support group. Others can give encouragement, information, guidance, comfort, practical suggestions, and can help you feel less isolated.
Jason
