[Chairman 'Jamin]

As me and Chez are expecting the arrival of Godzilla "Danger" Ranner in two shakes of a crying baby, I thought it would be a good time to ask for advice...

I do have the ultimate advice of the late, great Linda Smith -
"Everyone says parenting is hard. It's not - just remember not to put your thumb through the soft bit on top of their head and you'll be fine"

I was wondering if anyone had advice of a similar nature...

[Gaz]

Put the poison on a high shelf.

[joinee_doug]

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract; teach him to deduct.

(All by Fran Lebowitz)

[Joinee Michelle]

"wing it"

Thats is all you need. Cos there are no rules.

[G J Katie]

Babies don't bounce!

My Mum used to yell this every time I tried to pick up my little brother... in fairness I was nearly a toddler and he was nearly as big as me and I did drop him several times. She had a right to yell.

[HJCotW Spacemonkey]

Firstly, Laura says Cheryl needs to keep her legs crossed for a couple more days - Zilla is on the youngest/oldest in year threshold. By waiting a couple more days, his/her education will be done a year earlier, for which they will undoubtedly thank you.

Keep birth certificates and first photos as proof when any future siblings start the 'You were adopted' war;

Cuddly bears, rabbits and dogs are suitable bedtime toys - cordless drills, anthrax and live wasps are not;

Do not use as a football, even when all other available balls have gone missing.

That should see you right.

MoT
HJCotW

[Joinee Rufous]

I said this elsewhere, but it's currently EXACTLY like we invited a miniaturised drunk to live with us.

Generally it's about 90% reacting and 10% washing (sink, machine & bath).

[Mr Phil]

HJCotW Spacemonkey, on 29 August 2010 - 09:03 PM, said:

Firstly, Laura says Cheryl needs to keep her legs crossed for a couple more days - Zilla is on the youngest/oldest in year threshold. By waiting a couple more days, his/her education will be done a year earlier, for which they will undoubtedly thank you.

Er, a year later.

Which is also arguably a good thing - September babies tend to do better than August ones, but it's not an absolutely massive factor.

[Joinee Kate (SJJM)]

My advice is, only take the advice that you feel is useful.

[Joinee Mum White]

When you have a small baby, everyone will feel that they have the right to give you advice whether you want it or not- feel free to ignore it. Mum White xxx

[joinee Éli]

Take full advantage of the fact that people will forgive you for being grumpy and tell anybody who's too "helpfull" for your taste to go have a baby of their own. With themselves...

[Ruby Brownlock of Overhill]

Don't leave a Haribo Maoam in the inflatable car.

No matter how much it badgers you, leave her bogey alone. It will come out by itself eventually.

[Keen Joinee (GTJ)]

HJCotW Spacemonkey, on 29 August 2010 - 09:03 PM, said:

Cuddly bears, rabbits and dogs are suitable bedtime toys - cordless drills, anthrax and live wasps are not;

MoT
HJCotW

Buy as many duplicate "favourite bear" as possible. This way you can lose, wash and/or accidentally unravel special teddy without any tears, nor will your child 27 years later still be upset that their mother washed favorite bear, leading to his feet failing off and his beans escaping only to be replaced by lentils and shoddy stitching.....

This post has been edited by Keen Joinee (GTJ): 05 September 2010 - 03:15 PM

[Joinee Rufous]

Keen Joinee (GTJ), on 05 September 2010 - 03:15 PM, said:

Buy as many duplicate "favourite bear" as possible. This way you can lose, wash and/or accidentally unravel special teddy without any tears, nor will your child 27 years later still be upset that their mother washed favorite bear, leading to his feet failing off and his beans escaping only to be replaced by lentils and shoddy stitching.....

Put three pebbles in a sprite bottle. Ours hasn't looked at a teddy since...

[Mr Phil]

Joinee Rufous, on 05 September 2010 - 08:35 PM, said:

Put three pebbles in a sprite bottle. Ours hasn't looked at a teddy since...

My niece's favourite toy is a Lucozade bottle a quarter full with red lentils.

This post has been edited by Mr Phil: 05 September 2010 - 10:18 PM